look at your own plate

i’ve been feeling kinda bummed lately.  this is how i get.  the crazy rush of the holiday photography season finally ends, i thank the Lord for january and the break from shooting, then february comes around and i get this itch.  i gotta start shooting – someone, anyone!  my head is constantly racing with new ideas, things i want to try (the warm weather and pinterest don’t help either!)  but lo and behold, no one is calling.  no one’s knocking on my door; there’s no one to shoot.  what’s more is that it seems every other photog i know has a pile of clients!

then there’s this whole blogging thing.  why do i blog?  i’d like to say that it’s because i love documenting our life, writing and sharing, that i want to encourage others as the Lord is teaching me.  but lately, i can’t help but wonder if anyone is really reading this!  i mean, i follow some blogs written by other moms – moms that stay at home, that love Jesus, that are crazy about their families.  the difference between my blog and theirs?  they have like a gazillion followers and i…well, i don’t.  actually, i don’t know how many people follow this here blog.  anyone out there?

okay, so on to the part where the Lord is busting me.

a couple days ago i woke up thinking about photography (normal) and i was trying to figure out what i needed to do to get people to book a session.  this is how i get you know?  things aren’t going the way i want them to and i have to come up with a plan.  i’m a control freak like that.  anybody with me?

so i get ready for the day, take a shower, make the boys breakfast, all the while i’m getting more and more bummed out.  after putting said breakfast on the table, i walk to the living room, sit on the couch and decided i should probably talk to the Lord before my whole day is ruined.

“Lord, help me.  help me to trust You and not do things in my own understanding.”

i got to the “help me trust You” part when Silas (from the dining room) starts yelling, “mom!  mom! moooooom!  why does ethan have a big piece of banana and mine is two little pieces?!”  silas’ banana had broken into two pieces when i put it on his plate and he apparently was having a panic attack over it.  i said “amen” and walked into the dining room.

taking his two banana pieces off his plate, i quietly walked to the kitchen.

“no mom!  i want those!  just why does ethan get a big one and i don’t?”

“silas, quit looking at what other people have.  are you thankful for what i gave you?” i held up the banana pieces and heard the Lord say, “are you listening to yourself right now?”  somehow i kept talking (crazy habit i’ve got 🙂

“stop looking at someone else’s plate and look at your own.  if you’re not thankful for what i gave you, i can take it away.”

that was it.  a couple of  “no, no, no’s,” one “i am thankful” and the banana pieces were back on the breakfast table.  i walked back to the couch.  “sorry Lord.  please help me look at my own plate.  amen.”

that ever happen to you?  the Lord allows your kids to complain about something ridiculous and somehow busts you using your own words?!  anyways, i am thankful for what’s on my plate – for sure!  i know He’ll make things happen in His own timing (and that He wants to make me more like Him, not necessarily make me the most popular kid on the block 🙂   just gotta get to the “not leaning on my own understanding part” and i’ll be good.

okay, to reward those who made it to the bottom of this post, here’s some instagram love for ya 🙂

a recent shadow masterpiece

silas and his face ridiculousness

ethan rocking an old pair of 3D movie theater glasses