37 / 52 – Home
Sep
18

37 / 52 – Home

Twenty-one.

That’s how many days we have before we leave the country.

Silas and I are in California right now.  As I type, I’m watching him sleep next to me in my sister’s guest bedroom.  He’s had quite the last couple of days.  We both have.  This is our last trip to California, seeing family we don’t always get to see.  Saying goodbyes.

It’s funny; we say things like, “You’ll have to come visit us.”  And, “When you come…”  And we absolutely mean it.  But I think it’s a coping mechanism too.  Like, “This isn’t really goodbye.  We’ll be seeing you soon.”  And I hope that it’s true.  But the fact is, there’s very little that I actually know.

We’re leaving.  And my heart is full of at least a half a dozen emotions.  I’m excited and nervous and overwhelmed at the Lord’s goodness and faithfulness.  I’m stressed and feel like there’s so much still to get done before we get on that airplane.  There’s also this incredible momentum right now, like this huge adventure awaits us.  But there’s also this genuine sadness, and sometimes I can’t really talk about leaving yet.  We’ll be carving out a new home, following the Lord, but leaving so many of the things that define the word “home” behind.  It’s one thing to count the cost.  It’s quite another to stand and pay it.

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And my sweet children.  I’m praying that as they pay a price they didn’t have much of a vote in, that their hearts stay soft in the Father’s hands.  There’s so much to look at, so much to do right now.  The process really is overwhelming some days.  I know that for them, these goodbyes, this countdown, is a heavy weight.  And yet, they’re doing it.  We’re doing it together, encouraging each other, that we’ve seen the Lord’s faithfulness in incredible ways so far, and that we can and will cling to His promise to not forsake us.

When you have only His Word, recounting it, reminding Him of it, choosing to believe it, staking your life on it, it becomes precious, like a gem that you’ve polished with your tears and time and faith.  I love Isaiah 50 that says:

“Because the Sovereign LORD helps me, I will not be disgraced. Therefore have I set my face like flint, and I know I will not be put to shame… Who among you fears the LORD and obeys the word of his servant? Let the one who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the LORD and rely on their God.”

And so the countdown continues.  We are gearing up, looking forward, and walking with the Lord into the unknown.  He speaks and we follow because there is safety in the sound of His voice.  Our great Shepherd will only lead us where He intends to take us Himself.  His presence is our refuge, our security, our home.

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