my meeting at chick-fil-a

so i mentioned here that chick-fil-a is one of our workshop sponsors (yay!)  we’re actually doing a trade 🙂  i am now the parker, co chick-fil-a location’s official photographer!  awesome right?!  basically that means that i’ll provide sort of a photo booth at certain events at their location (free pictures for their customers!) and in exchange they’ll cater my workshops!  seriously the Lord gets all the credit here; no way i could have worked this out for myself!

anyways, to get all the details set, their marketing director asked me to come in and meet with her.  i gladly agreed but let her know that i’d be brining my boys with me if we met during the day.  she said, “no problem,”  i figured the boys would probably eat really well (because who doesn’t like chick-fil-a?) and then play the whole time.  easy peasy right?

so on the day of the meeting, we’re driving to the restaurant and i have a conversation with the boys in which i inform them of my important meeting and very clearly state my expectations for their behavior.  nothing crazy, just be respectful, play nicely together, you know, the usual.  they both happily agree and i feel good about how the meeting will go.

we park, get out of the car, and make our way into the restaurant.  let me just pause here and tell you that this is the point at which my children lost their minds.

as i greet the marketing director, sheli, silas (my 4 year old) decides that the best thing for him to do right now is punch me repeatedly in the behind.  what?!  not only is he punching his little fists into my rear end, he starts running in circles around me giggling.  okay, so what about our conversation in the car said that that was what we should do right now?

still smiling and greeting sheli, i give silas the death glance, take a hold of his arm and march him to the counter to give sheli our lunch order.  she leans over the counter and asks silas what he’d like to eat.  all of a sudden my son forgets how to talk.  i’m serious people.  he literally mumbles and starts staring at the ceiling.  really?!  i order for us all, a nice employee brings our tray to the counter and i calmly walk my children to a booth, still smiling.

we sit down, i distribute chicken nuggets, and lean down to where only they can hear me.  i can hear my scary voice say, “listen, i don’t know what’s going on right now, but you are going to eat well, be respectful, and play nicely like we talked in the car.  got it?”  both the boys agree and start eating just as sheli comes around the corner with her tray.  i’m thinking, “that’s that.  everything’s going to be fine.”

the boys are eating now and sheli and i are making small talk, you know, kids, chick-fil-a, a little photography.  we’re not really meeting yet.  i can tell she’s waiting for the kids to get done and start playing so we can focus which is fine.  the kids seem to be enjoying their food and are eating well when all of a sudden they both see a couple of gnats flying around our table.  gnats!  you know, like little tiny fruit flies?  i’m sure there’s a difference but i don’t know what it is and it doesn’t matter.  the boys both start swatting at the air at these bugs.  no more eating, just swatting.  sheli graciously makes a comment asking what the boys see to which silas says something like, “look, there’s all these bugs in here around the food!”  awesome buddy.

the boys finally get done and i shoo them off to the play area.  sheli and i dive in and talk details.  everything there goes good and we’re both excited.  suddenly silas pops his head out of the door and announces to the entire restaurant, “I HAVE TO GO POOP!”  wow, could that have been any louder?

i discretely ask if he can wait a few minutes.  he says yes and goes back to playing.  sheli and i continue to talk when silas opens the door and makes his second announcement, equally as loud.  awesome.  i tell him to put his shoes on and i’ll take him.

at this point, sheli and i wrap things up (since she could obviously see that we were out of time!)  the boys come out of the playground, silas tells sheli that he has to poop again, i shake her hand and thank her for meeting.  she says, “you’re welcome,” and heads back to the counter.

 i should mention that ethan is now standing beside me and smells like something died in his pants.  great!  i pick up my purse and turn around to find that silas is gone.  no joke, he’s just gone.  i call his name.  nothing.  i check in the play place and call again. nothing.  there are only a handful of people in the restaurant now, all of them looking at me like they know where my kid is but they’re not telling me.  i call a few more times then finally hear from the other side of the building in the women’s rest room, “help!  i need help in here!”  the staring strangers look at me and nod.  gee, thanks people.

with stink bomb still holding my hand, i walk quickly to the bathroom and find my son in the handicap stall.  i open the door and very sternly say, “silas!” to which he calmly replies, “i need help unbuttoning my pants.”

at this point i don’t even know what to say. i unbutton his pants, lay ethan down on the changing table, open up a disgusting diaper, and start lecturing.  “what is going on?  didn’t we have a talk in the car?  when is it ever okay to punch mommy in the butt?”  then comes the best surprise.  all of a sudden my leg is wet.  not only my leg but silas’ underwear, pants, and every inch of tile floor between him and where i am standing (with the nasty diaper!)

“WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!”

“i forgot.”

“FORGOT WHAT?!”

“forgot to point it down.”

are you kidding me?  i can’t remember what came out of my mouth next.  i kind of hope silas doesn’t remember either.  i finish changing ethan, wipe silas and clean the bathroom floor.  everyone’s hands get washed.  we need to leave – now!

i hand ethan my lemonade which i’d set next to the sink outside the stall.  i knew he wanted to drink as much as he possibly could because we’re all somewhat addicted to chick-fil-a lemonade.  i figure, “he’s been good.  i should let him hold my cup on the way to the car.”  i hand it to him and he throws it in the trash.  the trash!  for real people.  i need to get home right now.

i load the kids up, drive home, and park.  i don’t even know what to say.  i tell silas i probably should just wait until branden gets home to figure out a consequence.  good plan.  branden takes care of it.  the rest of the night is better (how could it be any worst?!)  all in all, the meeting with sheli went great and i can say that my kids don’t usually act that crazy, not that much in such a short period of time anyways!  i really am thankful to be home with them and to have a job that works around them.  seriously though, that was ridiculous!