a season of change

About two years ago, the Lord said something to me that totally freaked me out.  He told me He wanted me to stop doing photography.  You can imagine my reaction (and by reaction, I mean that I was crying so hard I was making seal noises!)  Seriously, I was really upset and I literally said, “What am I if I’m not a photographer?!”  I know, silly right?

Soon after that, the Lord started sending more clients my way.  I was confused to say the least.  What exactly did He want me to do?  Ever feel like that?  Well, the Lord was being gracious with me (as always 🙂  He wasn’t going to make me do what He wanted.  He was going to change my heart, and for that, I needed time.

The next couple of years, the Lord called us to start doing some big things, one of them being homeschooling our boys (something I was sure I wasn’t ever going to do!  I mean, who wants to be with their kids ALL DAY LONG?!  Apparently I do 🙂  That in itself was a work of the Lord in my heart!  I can honestly say I have a completely different perspective on homeschooling than I did even a year ago.  I know it’s not for everyone, but the Lord has called us to it, at least for right now, and I couldn’t be happier about it!

Another big thing the Lord called us to?  More ministry 🙂  Our church opened a satellite campus in Denver about a year ago.  When our pastor started talking about it, Branden and I had already been feeling like we needed to step up, that He had something big for us to do.  We didn’t know it at the time, but the leadership in our church was already praying about us overseeing the children’s ministry at the campus.  One thing led to another, and now we’re there every weekend 🙂

Okay, fast forward to a couple months ago, maybe June or the beginning of July.  I started feeling like some big changes were coming our way.  There are a handful of bigger things Branden and I have been praying about lately and for some of them, I’m honestly not sure yet what the Lord is going to do.  But I started to pray again about photography, about what the Lord had said to me a couple years ago, about His timing.

I told Branden (and a couple of others who’d been praying with us) that I felt like God was going to have me stop doing photography at the end of October.  I’m not sure why I had that time frame in mind, but I did.  I started to think about what I wanted.  I can honestly say that I don’t want to do photography right now.  Not like I don’t like photography or I’m upset that I have sessions lined up, but when I leave the house to shoot, I’m not excited, not like I had been.  Even though I love what I do, I get bummed out thinking about how I’m missing out with my family, even if it’s just dinner.  I used to stay up until 2am working and editing and was completely content.  Now I wish I was making lesson plans or working on something for my house or at the very least, watching a movie with my husband.  My heart is in a completely different place than it was 2 years ago.  The Lord’s so good 🙂

Oh, and you know what’s cool?  Right after I started feeling this way, people started to book sessions, like 4 or 5 families, and none of them asked for a session past October.  Crazy right?

So for the last month or so, I’ve just been waiting for the Lord to give me a green light, so that I could make it official and close up shop.  Yesterday my cousin called.  She was asking me to pray with her about a decision she has to make soon.  I asked her what she thought she was going to do.  She said that a friend of hers had asked her two questions regarding her decision.

1. What do you think God is telling you to do?

2. What has God already called you to do?  If a “yes” to this decision is going towards that, then why would you say “no?”

As she was telling me this, I thought, “What has the Lord called me to do right now?  Photography?  Homeschooling?  Taking care of my home?  Ministry?”  I’m not saying that photography (or any job) should ever take priority over your home or ministry, but for a season, the Lord had me continue working for a good purpose and I needed to balance everything as unto the Lord.

This morning my quiet time was on John 17:4 where Jesus says to God the Father, “I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do.”

The author of the devotional I’m reading talked about how Jesus didn’t heal every sickness, or feed every hungry person, or even go to every place that hadn’t heard the gospel.  He did what the Father gave Him to do, nothing more, nothing less, and that’s what brought God glory.

So, what has the Lord given me to do in this season?  Where has He directed my heart?  I still seems kind of crazy, but I have peace and even excitement about not doing photography after October!  Maybe this change won’t be for forever (or maybe it will!)  I honestly don’t know, and I’m okay with that.  For right now, I’m getting ready to close up shop and looking forward to a season of change!

By the way, these pictures are from recent trip the boys and I took to California!  My sweet and amazing brother took us to The Huntington.  If you’ve never been, it’s an amazing place with a huge library and acres upon acres of beautiful gardens!  Seriously, it would probably take a couple days to enjoy them all!  It was such a great trip!

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