I know I’ve been absent from here for the last week or so. It’s been very heavy around here, so much difficulty going on, so much to pray about.
Last week was hard. You know when the Lord is trying to teach you something, and it’s more like disciplining you? It’s painful and you wrestle with the Lord. And He’s patient, but also determined. Yeah, that was last week.
Our family has been in a hard season for a while now. Don’t get me wrong, there is much joy and even peace in our home, but we’ve just been in a place of having to be humble, to be dependent on God, and that has rarely been easy. I keep waiting for it to end. Here and there, it seemed like maybe there was an “answer to prayer,” like maybe things were finally coming together and we would be able to see what the Lord had planned all along – things would make sense. Then we’d be back to where we started, where we are now.
Usually I’m okay, even able to be encouraging, trusting that the Lord would get us to where things would be good, where we’d have some security and a season of rest. But last week something happened, and I couldn’t kick it. I was done. And mad, and tired. Ever been there?
Is this it? Is this what it is to obey the Lord, to be faithful? What about what I want? What if I want to buy a house? Or buy picture frames for that matter?! Will there always be this difficulty? This never ending season of unknowns?
And the Lord said, “Maybe.”
The Lord gave me Hebrews 11:8-10 ~ “By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.”
And verse 13 which says, “All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth.”
And you know what stuck out to me? Sarah. Sarah was Abraham’s wife. They were doing just fine, living it up in the city, surrounded by family and security, then BAM! Her husband tells her that the Lord wants them to move somewhere.
“I don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t know?”
“I don’t know. We’re just going to pack up and go. Away. Now.”
And they did. Abraham, Sarah, all their stuff. They packed up and followed the Lord. And the Bible says that they lived like nomads, like strangers, in tents for the rest of their lives. And not just them, they raised their kids and their grandkids like that. And the Lord said to me, “She never bought a house. She didn’t hang up picture frames. She went camping – forever.”
Okay, so what you’re telling me is that my life, following You, could be no security in the world at all? Until I die and go to heaven?
And these things that I want, like maybe being able to just be lazy and go get some fast food, or having a category in our budget called “extra money to be blown in whatever way I want,” that might not ever happen?
And I’m just supposed to know that you’re going to provide for us, to take care of us?
Yes, and if you’ve been paying attention, you definitely have more than just your needs covered. And one more thing. You need to stop whining about it. You keep waiting for things to be “fine,” but you’re fine now. I’m trustworthy. You know this. You need to get over yourself and let me use you to bless others. Quit being such a wet blanket.
Alrighty then. Is that all?
Yes. And I love you like crazy. Just thought you should know.
So that was last week. And I get it. The Lord really is taking care of us; He always has, and then some. And over the weekend, an emergency medical situation came up for our pastor and his sweet family, something that still needs much prayer and a miracle from the Lord. And there are other situations in the lives of people we love that are incredibly trying. And I think, “What am I fussing about again?” The Lord is good, so so good to us. I really do want any security we have to be in Him, and in the Kingdom to come, not in this one. I am a foreigner in this land. I need to remember that.